Thursday, April 7, 2011

Dating disaster...

Dating "break up". Awkward. Hilarious. Just had to share because I can't believe this is actually my life.

So a little over a week ago, I...called it quits with this dear boy that we'll call Daniel. He is such a nice guy and so it was sad to tell him that I wasn't feeling it. It was nice that he was trying hard, but it was also really clear that there wasn't anything there for me...even though I tried to let him talk me into it. He really likes me and wanted it to go somewhere so...I felt like I should at least try--for his sake. I guess I just enjoyed that he was really persistent and assertive. Lots of males over the last couple of months have been lazy, playing games, and dropping hints. I was just sick of guys wanting me to ask them out, show up to their place and call them all the time. So someone like "Daniel" who was doing well at pursuing, was worth giving a shot I thought. Wow. rhyming wizard!

We went out to a restaurant which was a good time. He's been trying to make things happen for months (LOTS of texting...the poor boy is shy. But I officially think texting is really really not my favorite form of communication. I just feel that the majority of your contact with people you care about shouln't be typing/texting unless there's actual distance involved...and even still--call.) but we've only been on a couple of dates. At one point during dinner he said, "You know what happens on the third date." Hmm...I give him a quizzical look. This can't be good. Apparently he was referencing a t.v. show episode that I hadn't seen. I said, "I haven't seen that show. " And he said, "Well it's kinda crude." I laughed, "Well then I can assure you we won't be doing what it said happens on the third date." haha but seriously.

We were driving to get a red box flick. Somehow I was talking about how strange it is that I ended up here in Blowgan. I mentioned that I was, at one point, going to go to Texas for fall semester and work for an airline. He said, "Well I'm glad you didn't go." Oh darling awkward flirtiness.

We watched Scott Pilgrim vs. the World in his parents basement. It was wildly apparent that he wanted to hold hands. We had a blanket on us but he sat closer than the last time we'd watched a movie together and I'm pretty sure he was strategically placing his hand in places where I could grab it if I wanted but, let's be serious, I'm stubborn and I don't make things like this easy for men. I make them work for it. Because it's their job...and because I kinda think it's funny.

I feel like there was one point in the movie when the girl kisses...slash starts making out with the guy on the first date or something and I said, "Oh wow, that was fast." (she wasn't the classiest of lasses, you see...a bit of a hussikins even.) and he said, "You're not like that?" With clarity I said, "Nope."

The movie had some funny parts. It got to the end and he put on the deleted scenes. Strange, because he didn't really seem to want to watch the deleted scenes. He turned to look at me on the couch and asked me if I was ticklish. Oh geez. Seriously, it would make me feel nothing but awkward and creeped out if you tried to tickle me. I said 'no' and I think he thought that was code for "she's being playful and I need to not take 'no' for an answer...ever." He was slowly moving closer--his hands taking the unfortunate lead--and he kept saying, "Oh you're not? I think you are." ugh. I said, "Don't try it." "Why not?" he asked. "Because I don't like it." I was trying to be polite in turning the kind boy down on a sales pitch that repulsed me, but he genuinely thought that 'no' meant 'yes'. Red flag? Well he kept inching closer with a grin on his face--like this was a game that all parties were enjoying--and I thought I was being clear! So for a lack of other clever ideas and kind of amazed that I had to resort to this, I reached under the blanket, grabbed both of his hands, and restrained them to his lap--like a rambuxious kid in sacrament meeting. I said in a patient, yet serious tone, "Please don't. Let's just watch the deleted scenes k?" Un-believable.

Apparently the restrained lad thinks that me holding his hands firm in his lap is a twisted version of me holding hands with him. Not joking. The little movement that he can muster starts to rub and caress my hands. Awkward. Just a finger tip here and there. He totally thought it was darling but I honestly just tried to focus on the deleted scenes and I'd deal with this in a minute. So the scenes were over, I placed his hand properly in mine--with our fingers intertwined--like the normal way of holding hands. I said, "So...what is going on here? I thought we were doing casual. THIS wasn't casual just now."

We had a couple hour talk that went fairly well. I'm terrible at the "this isn't working for me" talks because something about guys fighting to keep me is adorable. Those are the moments when they pull out all of the darling things to say and I just think, "Hmm...why is it that I like you most when I'm breaking up with you?" Not like I was officially "dating" this kid or anything, though that's where he was headed. I just can't pretend with people. It's blatently clear for me when I'm not into someone. Sometimes I'll try to like them...just because they're nice but...I can't fake it. Just as I'm rethinking it, the idea of him moving in on me in tickle position with a grin on his face pops into my head, I cringe, and realize I need not second guess anything and just tell him he's great but I can't. haha

Things are definitely over now but OH MY DEAR were there epic moments of awkwardness during this adventure with this chap. Dear me. What a hilarious, awkward, uncomfortable, unbelievable evening. And my roommate wonders why I prefer falling in love with countries and not males.


  1. I'm with you. Tickling is not romantic or flirty. I much prefer to keep my mid-section and arm pits to myself. No trespassing.

  2. This is Hilarious Mallory! Thanks for sharing! Brings back so many memories of awful yet funny dating moments! :)

  3. bahaha! I seriously laughed so hard at this!

  4. You are awesome. Glad you called it quits with this one! Yikes!