Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Nutcracker, coming home, and this one french boy...

A few bullet points...because it's been a wee bit.

  • I find it hilarious that all things technological make a point of malfunctioning under my care.  Got my phone replaced because it kept turning off and not turning back on, my Vitamix blender (that I'd nerdily spent months saving for) made a rank smell when I turned it on the very first time, and my car has dashboard lights that come on, unnecessarily freaking me out. haha Usually it's like tire air pressure or something silly.  But I just find it humorous.
  • This past weekend I went to The Nutcracker with my Aunt and her children.  My uncle did a friend a favor and agreed to help out in a couple roles in the ballet.  Watching the Nutcracker was lovely.  It surprised me how it took me back to the days of dancing and performing in the Nutcracker every year.  I loved everything about it.  The music, the costumes, the smell of excessive hairspray and the jitters of excitement when it was your turn to walk past the curtain and do what you'd been practicing countless hours to do.  I loved it.  One of my Uncles roles was Madame Ginger--the woman who wears a hoop skirt and has like 8 girls under there that come out and dance.  He was hilarious. He did a great job.   
  • The little boy that I nanny is sick...again.  He's been sick the whole time I've worked for this family.  He's had an inhaler that I need to give him every X hours.  It's been crazy and kinda stressful.  He's been on the mend but the family went to Iowa for the weekend to visit the dad's family and baby James came home sick again.  The mom called me this morning and said I didn't have to work yet because she's taking the baby to the ER.  Awesome.  It's so sad having a tiny 5 month old baby so sick.  And I selfishly hate it as well because it freaks me out watching a baby that's so high risk.  I hope the poor guy starts feeling better soon.  
  • I'm obsessed with New Girl.  Do you guys watch that show?  It is quite literally non-stop hilarity.  Schmidt is hilarious but I think they make his story lines awkward, which is a shame.  I'm dying for Nick and Jess to get together. But alas, like Ross and Rachel, Jim and Pam, they'll drag it out as long as they can.  If you haven't seen it, maybe you should.  My friend Alexis and I watched it in Uganda together.  It was one of our many bonding moments.  Soo funny.
  • I get to go home for Christmas on Saturday!  I'm stoked out of my mind.  I'm obsessed with Christmastime.  I love everything about it.  The lights, the music, the way you're somehow warm inside in the ambiance of the season when in actuality, it's frigid and cold.  I always love seeing old friends and playing with my siblings and parents.  Can't wait.
  • I've been kinda dating this guy lately.  It freaks me out a little bit that I like him so much.  I usually adore the people that I date in the sense that I value them, they're dear friends, they mean a lot to me...but I'm not ever really into them like they are to me.  It's been frustrating.  So it is crazy train to me that I actually like this one back.  It's a very unique situation.  He's not like anyone I've ever dated before.  But he's wonderful to me and he really tries hard to make things work and resolve anything that's a problem.  It's attractive.  
  • He's half french and generally there is no language barrier whatsoever but yesterday he said something that made me laugh. I had the day off of work and he had a couple of hours before he had to start work so we met up really quick.  We went to a little place and ordered juice but we really just wanted to sit and talk until he had to work.  We were sitting in a booth just talking and I said, "Oh gosh, we're so cute I can't even handle it. "  He pulled his head back to look at me and had a kind of concerned look on his face and said, "No.  We can handle it."  haha  The fact that I talk in extremes is something I have to explain sometimes. haha  He's darling.  That's all.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The elderly, foreigners and playas....awkward male encounters

So the last month has been kind of hilarious because many times I have moments with men that convince me that there has got to be a hidden camera somewhere.  They're just too awkward to be real. But alas, they are real.  Here we go:

Elderly Chick-to-the-fil-to-the-A.
I was babysitting two of my cousins on a Saturday morning.  They were patient in allowing me to drop off a letter at the Post Office, so I took them to Chik-fil-A because they really wanted to play in the jungle gym.  Sure.  

As I'm pulling in, an older gentlemen was starting to cross the parking lot.  I stopped, allowed him to cross and he walked to my window and asked me to roll it down.  He made some comment about, "What are you doing here from Utah?"  (Still have a Utah license plate.) and it was harmless.  I parked the car, we go in, the girls go play and I wait in line.  

This elderly chap (we're talking easily in his 70's), spots me and walks over to me.  He gets really close and says, "You'd better look out.  I know I'm old but my mind still thinks like an 18 year-old."  Hmmm....and then I saw him sharing a table with his cute little wife...I'm assuming.  Awkward right?  I could EASILY be his granddaughter.  Just don't talk to girls like that...ever...but especially with a huge age difference.  Right??

Elderly take 2-- the artsy, handsy one
My friend and I tried out a darling little restaurant called Cheestique.  It's mainly a cheese and wine store but they have a bar and little tables in the back.  It's cute and quaint.  All of the workers are really nice.  It's darling.  As my friend and I are talking, an elderly chap (this time late 50's) comes and sits in the chair next to me at the bar.  I told my friend the Chik-fil-a story and we laughed about how gross it is when men disregard that a girl could be their child's child, and yet still think they've got game.  You don't have game.  Just wear a grandpa sweater and resemble Kris Kringle.  But stop thinking you've can pick up young girls.  

The man next to me had ordered french onion soup.  He was sitting by himself, and because I like to talk to strangers and especially if people are by themselves, I asked the harmless question, "How's the soup?  I was going to get that kind so if it's good I'll make a note to get it next time."  As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing flirty about that right?  He told me it was really good and said I had pretty hair.  I thanked him, thought, "no way" and turned back to my friend to continue our conversation.

He later kept pulling on the tips of my hair, putting his hand on my back, and was trying to make small talk.  He asked where I was from, then it naturally comes up that I'm LDS.  He apparently knows about basics in my religion because he comments about how LDS members don't drink, smoke, or sleep with people before marriage.  Correct, I affirm.  THEN, I kid you not, he asks me if I'm a bad girl. haha Was it my nerd glasses or ruffly Who coat that gave me away?  haha  I said, "No actually." He slides a card on the table to me inviting me to his photo exhibit coming up and says that he'd really like to see me and my pretty curly hair there.  (And he's touching my hair again at that point).  Gross.  I said goodbye and my friend said, "you are too nice."  The waitress came over and was talking to us and said, "Girl, if he's gonna touch your hair and your back like that, at least make him pay for your meal."  haha I wish I'd thought of that before.  

So the reason this bothers me is my friend teases me all the time that I'm too nice.  My issue with that is  I really like being nice to people.  He was sitting by himself, I saw no harm in asking him how his soup was.  Maybe he was having a bad day, couldn't I make a quick little comment to maybe help him feel like he wasn't insignificant?  Apparently not.  haha I just hate the idea that I have to be more closed off because being kind translates to being flirtatious.  But I agree wholeheartedly with the waitress, next time a guy gets creepy creeps on me, he's paying for something.

Moroccan Poet
I've been trying to get out of the house, discover new venues, meet new people, etc.  You know, make the best of this adventure right?  So I went to open mic night by myself and this elderly (I hate that this is a pattern) gentleman asks if he can sit next to me.  I didn't have an excuse and maybe this guy isn't going to be creepy, maybe he's just an innocent ol' grandpa.  So I let him sit down by me.  

He's old.  Balding, his hair and beard are completely white.  He was drinking tea and asked me if he could buy me some.  I said, "No thank you."  He leans over to me during one of the performances and quietly whispers, "Did you have a good relationship with your father?"  What is that!?!?  He asked me to go to the bar with him at the end of the evening.  Obviously I told him 'no'.  

The Cashier--self-proclaimed "charmer"
After Open Mic night, I went to the grocery store really quick.  I wanted some apple chips and yogurt for the next day.  As I walk in the store, I met eyes with one of the cashiers, smiled and said "hi".  Again, harmless.  I've worked several customer service jobs.  It seriously sucks to have people be mean to you.  It's hard. So anytime I'm at the grocery store, a restaurant, buying a movie ticket, I try to be overly kind to people because I realize that they could have had a rough day.  So saying "hello" to someone when it's 11:00pm and they probably are tired and done with their shift, just seems like a nice thing to do.  At least that's how it plays out in my mind.

I decided to go through his line.  I like to talk to cashiers.  I have had tons of positive experiences doing it.  He asked how I was doing.  He called me "beautiful".  Sure.  Thanks.
Him:  "So....are you taken?
Me:  "Umm...not at the moment."
Him:  "So...Can I take you somewhere?"
What I was thinking is, "Is it Paris?  Because while it would help your case if it was, but it's really irrelevant." haha 

Of these stories, THIS chap was my age and attractive.  But...I just wasn't getting awesome vibes.  He asked me if he could take me out for drinks.  My game plan here is easy.  Just appear to be the opposite of what he's looking for. It's an easy out.  "I actually don't drink....or smoke."  C'mon, that's got to be a turn off right?  But he made some comment about how I'm a cheaper date because I don't drink.  Errr...thanks?? haha 

He then alluded to physical interests and I said something like, "Look, I'm not your type.  I'm not that kind of girl.  I'm really religious and don't do that stuff before marriage."  haha Seriously, am I in a hostel in Europe?  Why do I feel like the Law of Chastity is brought up all of the time lately?  None the less, whammy.  I'm sure we're done now.  That's got to be a huge turn off right?  
He then says, "Hey, just let me charm you and we'll let nature take it's course."
"Look, my friend, I don't care if you're Johnny Depp, nature is not taking it's course there."  haha 

So here we are.  I honestly love being kind of people and feel like I can be a positive part of their day.  But where is the line?  I don't understand why being kind comes across as flirting because I try to be aware of it.  The other shabang is, why do elderly men think I'm cool with dating someone who fathered children my parents age?!  That is so awkward for me and don't understand why it would even cross their minds.  haha So...I've got to figure out what it is about me that attracts the hobblers and then...not do it.  There you have it. The highlights of the last month of my encounters with males.  Don't be jealous.  haha It's just hilarious, embarrassing and all kinds of awkward.  It's my life. haha