Friday, November 18, 2016

Well that was embarrassing...

My life has been all kinds of things but classy, graceful and refined don't appear to be theme.  I'm a bit spazzy and I get through the bulk of my life by laughing at ridiculous things that happen to me or more than likely, situations that I get myself into.  Here are a few of my favorites that came to mind:

"Settle down"

My friend Ashlee and I were once asked to "settle down" at a Josh Groban concert because we were dancing too crazy.  True story.  It kills me every time I think about it.  Leave it to Ash and I to pull out the body rolls while Joshy is belting out "Machine".  Few things please me more than dancing ridiculously...especially if it doesn't fit the music. haha  

"Dear Oprah,"

My friend Kori and I did extensive research trying to contact Oprah.  For the longest time, we have wanted to have our own travel show.  It wouldn't be a travel show where you go from fancy hotel to fancy hotel.  It would involve us crashing at crazy hostels, taking dance classes, talking to strangers, etc.  Needless to say, it's really challenging to get ahold of Oprah.  Who would have thought?! haha We genuinely believed she would be on board and would support our show.  Hilarious.  Also...I still kind of believe in this plan.

"Dear David Archuletta,"

When my sister Kenzie and I drove around together, we'd take turns choosing the music.  There was a phase when "Crush" and "Little Too Not Over You" by David Archuletta were making frequent appearances on our playlists.  I had her convinced at one point that he had written the song, "My Kind of Perfect" about me.  She was really irritated when I would point at the speakers after each line and say, "You see?  Doesn't it sound just like me?"  haha Obviously he did not write that song about me but speaking of contacting celebs, I did reach out to him at one point to thank him because his music helped me through some rough times.  haha

"Let me explain why my hand is on your boyfriend's leg..."

We recently had a YSA activity with members from all over New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, Massachusetts, etc.  I was getting ready for sacrament meeting and put my coat on the seat to my left.  A gentleman and his girlfriend (I assume) came down the row with the guy sitting by my coat and the girl, next to him.  His girlfriend left for a few minutes to get a drink or something and he turned to introduce himself and asked me basic questions about what I do for a living.  We had a brief chat about working with survivors of trauma.  

At one point in the conversation, I saw a little ball of spit slowly but surely, float out of my mouth, as if in slow motion, heading toward the guy.  Yes, it flew over the chair between us and landed on his leg.  So embarrassed, I said, "I'm so sorry for spitting on you" and reached over to wipe the spit off his leg.  Of course, this is the very moment that his girlfriend comes back to sit by him...when my hand is rubbing down his leg.  Excellent.  "Don't worry miss, what looks flirtatious is actually the exact opposite of that."  Eek.
We'll stop there for today.  Happy Friday!

My Vampire Crush, Weird Pick-up Lines and Carrying Around an Egg...

The latest and greatest in NYC...
  • The change in temperature is my favorite.  Right before it gets too chilly.  It's when I get to pull out all my crazy patterned and colored tights, bulky scarves, funky coats, leather boots, hot chocolate and soup!
    • My sister Kim is a ruby jewel in every way.  She knows how much I love soup and I'm now the proud owner of a recipe book that has only soup recipes because of her.  It's the best!  I pretty much live off of liquid food during the Fall.  Is that normal?
  • Soo....I finished Grad School and am now an employed Social Worker!  I was very berry nervous about not being able to find something right out of school but I scored a really great job within a week of graduating.  It felt like God was making it rain...blessings.  Too far?
    • I work in a school counseling students who have experience being bullied, abused, in unhealthy relationships, etc.  It took a while to finally get me in a school.  But after having to switch my school recently, I'm finally getting settled and it feels like Tomato Basil Parmesan Soup for the soul.    
  • My office is comprised of:  A desk I built while wearing a pencil skirt and tights (I don't know why I'm so proud of building a desk with my legs having a restricted range of motion but I really, really am),  a fancy little wall collage, a string of colored balls draped across the archway in my office ($2 thrift store success!), a $3 mini-Christmas tree from Target and a gargantuan arm chair that I bought online.  It's still a work in progress but I'm hoping the vibe is one that feels welcoming and comfortable.
  • The gentleman that delivered my arm chair yesterday had a very interesting flirtation tactic.  The armchair was delivered to my office so we had time to briefly chit chat about what I do.  Before leaving he said, "Maybe I could take you to dinner some talk about my anger issues."  Oh buddy.  So many thoughts in response to this.  
    • If you actually want to talk about your anger issues, I charge for that stuff. haha 
    • If you're trying to get a date of me, anger issues aren't going to be the turn on I'm looking for.  In fact, I don't think they're a turn on for anyone...except, I guess, for whoever ended up with the Hulk.
  • I'm going to be running a half marathon in January! The last time I ran a half marathon was in 2010 so it's been many moons.  In fact, here's a little flashback to my first (and up until now, only) half marathon.  It was the Halloween half marathon in Provo.  I thought I was hilarious and dressed up like a hobo--keeping things inappropriate since 2010!  Jokes on me though because looking back, I mostly look like I fell down a lot of stairs and bruised my face. haha 

My whole family is meeting up the weekend of the race and it will be great to see everyone.  Kim, Cody, Aubry and I will be running a half marathon.  Their littles will be running a mile--which is crazy impressive to me. I have vivid memories of huffing and puffing my way through the 1.5 mile "Fun Run" in Junior High.  It felt impossibly hard so I'm pretty sure I walked most of it. #fatjoke haha Therefore, the fact that my nieces and nephews (all 8 years old or younger) will be running a mile, has all of my respect.

  • Halloween weekend brought one of my favorite guests - my dear friend Diana.  She was only here for ~36 hours but we danced our buns off to Rooney and loved every second of it.  

We obviously stayed after the concert for a bit to talk to Robert Schwartzman.  (The band had dressed up as vampires so the remaining make up is from that.)  He's such a cool guy.  After our brief conversation, I turned to Diana and said, "I think that's the most eye contact I've had from a guy in a long time."  haha  I didn't realize how rare of a quality that was until a lead singer from a band did it.  Oh mamma.  Stories about men to come later...
  • I didn't dress up this Halloween.  I eventually want to do a group costume of the Jamaican Bobsled Team from Cool Runnings.  How rad would that be?!  The real story behind this idea is that I saw that movie on my flight home from Dubai and kept thinking, "Man, their clothes are amazing!"  The patterns and colors blow my mind in the very best way.  While I wear some pretty random stuff, I think I could only pull of their ensembles as a Halloween costume.  Lemme know if you want in on this.  Obviously I dibs being Sanka so carry around an egg. haha