Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Awkward dating scenarios...not in short supply

Sometimes my life is super-di-duper awkward. So I feel the need to share it because people should know that such awkwardness exists in the world. So brace yourself for some stories of life as a single lady in Blowsville...

My roommate was at a football game last semester, (I was working or I would have joined them) and a balding, kind of "off", college student with his head painted white with a blue 'A', approached her. He asked for a photograph with her and said that he really liked her legs. While the picture was being taken he announced to the photographer, "Take it you can get the whole body." Yipes. Then he turns to her and says, "You look better than the skinny girls." haha I kid you not.

Fast forward two weeks. We're waiting to go into the room where we have ward prayer. Well this very LAD comes up to her and has the picture he took with her printed off. He gave her the copy and tries to make small talk with her while we're all standing there. He then says, referencing the fact that he brought her a copy of the picture, "do you think it's funny...or nice?" As if those are the only two options. So now our favorite thing to do around the apartment is to only give each other two options. "My mom took me to the doctor today. Do you think that's funny?... or nice?" Hilarity.

Now for awkward me. I mentioned a little earlier this guy that came to country dancing night and told me we had a class together. I had no idea. haha But he sat by me at the next class, got my number, and tries to get me to dance with him when I'm at work...but I tell him I'm busy...because I usually am. So I was getting interest vibes from him so kind of asked him in text why he is so insistent on dancing with me. He said he just likes to teach people and he's just interested in me as a friend. Phew. But is my radar off or something? Because he doesn't act like he just wants to be friends. Just wait.

So he texted me on Sunday and asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him and his friends. Okay. No harm in that. So he came and picked me up but it was just me, him, and another couple that were cuddling. felt a wee bit paired off. Hmmm. Then he asked, "So we can either sit on the couch or...the love sack. Whichever you prefer." I'm already confused by this evening but I say, "I think the couch sounds best."

We share a blanket. That's fine. I was rubbing my hands together because it was cold outside and he says, "What's the matter?" "Oh nothing. My hands are just a little cold." Now wait for it...."Here," he says, "let me warm it up for you." Yes, that was his way of proposing that we hold hands. So I let him do it. Not because I want to but because I just don't really have any witty comebacks at the moment. So he's enjoying himself holding my hand and....massaging it. Guh. THEN about half way through the movie he turns to me and says, "So we can keep doing this or we can cuddle. Just whatever you wanna do." Well, there wasn't an option C. But I don't want to cuddle with you. Be thankful you have my hand good sir. Don't be overzealous. haha I just didn't answer the two options. I just kind of laughed and kept watching the movie. Allow me to mention, I know hand-holding is a solid good time when there's two-way interest. But I just wasn't feeling this so it was awkward to sit through a two hour movie of him thinking this-he and I thing--was happening.

I'm plotting during the movie of what to say on the way home. I don't want to hurt his feelings. So I'm planning on going from the angle of "we don't know anything about each other and I'm also leaving the country soon." Sounds nice. I can totally work this out.

The movie ends, my hand slinks away, we get in the car and I say, "So what was that? I thought you wanted to just be friends." Awkward silence. We talked for a little about this and then I start my plan.
Me: It's just...for starters, I feel like I don't know anything about you. (he seems unhappy about this) Like, how old are you?
Him: I'm 20.
Me: Yeah...I'm 24. (this should scare him off right? He is a fetus compared to me. He's just a little guy.)
Him: Oh. I've never dated an older woman before. ('re not dating one now.)
Me: You should also know that I'm graduating this semester and then moving to Africa for the summer.
Him: Yeah, I knew you were going to Africa. I dunno. I've done long distance relationships before and it sucks but I've always been able to visit them once a month or something.
Me: Yep. You can't visit me in Africa. We're talking about me living on another continent. You can't come visit.

We talk for a while and his takeaway was somehow "let's just be friends and see if anything happens. kind of friends that hold hands--because that was nice." Oh dear.

I believe there are good guys out there. I really do. But he's twenty, not loving the church right I feel okay letting this opportunity pass by. I'm game for being his friend, but am just not interested in going there. And if there was someone that I was super interested in, I don't think Africa would have to be a barrier. But I want to use it as one because I'm not interested in this guy. Who knows what the future holds dating-wise? Hopefully someone not 4 years younger than me and is pro-gospel. Those things would rub me the right way. Til then!


  1. haha oh sorella. this gave me a good laugh. "yep. you can't visit me in africa." trump card.

  2. I am eating chocolate pudding and when I read that that weirdo said "so we can keep doing this or we can cuddle now" I laughed so hard I spit some pudding onto the computer screen. Oops.

  3. You are a good source of entertainment! Is that funny or nice?