Sunday, January 16, 2011

The opposite of smooth

There have been a couple recent run-ins with random people that have left me shaking my head and laughing. I figure the exceeding awkwardness needed to be recorded somehow. So...enjoy.


I pulled into the gas station on my way home for the weekend. Really nothing of particular interest happened until some guy in a truck pulled into the pump behind me.

He got out of his car and was acting fidgety and nervous. He kept glancing at me and then looking away quickly. Odd behavior. He made several silly attempts of making small talk. He spoke from his gas pump (so more than a normal conversaion distance away) and spoke really quietly and hesitantly. "What are you doing this weekend?" He'd ask. "Op, just going home to hang out with my family." Was my simple reply.

He asked where I was from and I told him. He nodded. " you like it there?" He asked. Er..."yep, I do like it there."

There was something in my car that I wanted to throw away. There was no garbage by the gas pump so I was going to have to bring it inside the gas station store. I started walking toward the gas station and he acted kind of frantic and said, "What's the matter? Is everything okay?" I just turned to look at him, puzzled and said, "Yes. I'm just throwing something away." I went back to my car and pulled the gas-filler upper (yep, permission to mock) out of my car and I put it back. " all filled up?" he asks with his trademark quiet nervous voice. I assumed since I was pulling the thing out of my car that it was obvious but apparently he wanted this clarified. "yep."

He asked if I wanted to hang out that weekend and I repeated that I was going home so that wasn't going to happen. "'re just really nice. I'd really like to see you again." The only thing the man knows about me is that I throw away my trash and notify him when my gas tank has reached 'full'. I got his hint that he wanted to set up some future...something...but just said, "Well maybe I'll bump into you at the gas station again. It could happen right?"

Getting into my car I hear him getting up the courage and finally says, "Can I have your number?" Call me a terrible person but I was just done have this tangibly uncomfortable conversation and didn't even want to address this. So...I pretended like I didn't hear him and got in the car. Need to change gas stations or is that normal?

Next awkward moment up for bid: THE MOVIE STORE

It's a Saturday night. I don't have any huge plans. Thought I'd rent a flick and prepare my lesson for church the next day. I was walking around the movie store taking a gander at all of my options. I tend to take a long time to make silly decisions like what movie I should rent. If I don't have it in mind when I go, then it's a process. But I don't have any huge plans besides putting last finishing touches on a lesson plan on Fasting so I wasn't really pressed for time.

You know when you're going down an aisle looking at movies or books and someone next to you is at a stand still so you have to quietly excuse yourself and cross to the other side of them to continue your search? Well I had one of these with an older asian man. Seem like a nice old guy. He was taking more time to stare at each movie section than I was so I crossed in front and continued on my way. No big deal.

Well somehow I had this moment several more times with this same man. Though I noticed as I'd pass him that he'd watch me for a while after. Huh.

I didn't really think anything of it and just continued my lengthy search to find a gold mine of entertainment for the night. After I'd been there a while I'd finally decided on some movie with the Eiffel Tower on the cover and was gonna head home. I was heading to the checkout and out of nowhere this old little asian man that I'd passed several times comes up to me with a smile that made me feel kinda yucky (which is saying something because as much as I adore Europe, there are some world class creepers there) and asked me my name. Don't ask me why but it came totally natural for me to say, "Juliet". haha He then asked me which films I was renting. I showed him. He then showed me what he was renting. (Cough) I see a pink, foggy cover, a picture that I tried to block out, and the title, "Kissing with your mouth open"!!!! haha WHAT?!? He then looked up at me with another smile that made me want nothing but distance from this guy. I made up some lie about "forgetting something". Though, let's be serious, the only thing I forgot is the one aisle of movies I had not yet walked down. I tried to waste a lot of time and he was thankfully gone when I went back to the check out.

Can we just talk about this for two seconds...What is THAT?!?! haha I mean, come on. First of all let's talk age. I don't know if there's much that creeps me out more than older men who honestly think they have a chance at being with someone young enough to be their child. This man was probably 40. Second, WHAT did this man think I was going to say when he showed me his movie pic. "That is my favorite movie." "Well that just sounds lovely!" "Should we watch that together or something?" Yuck. You walked around the movie store for over a half hour and came out with "Kissing with your mouth open". I try not to judge. I really do. But...I judged him. haha Oh dear. Maybe NetFlicks isn't such a bad idea.


  1. Mallory. I'm laughing out loud (why don't I just write lol?) You my dear, are too great. And I would have reacted the exact same way to both situations. hahahaha. oh mamma che buffo

  2. bahaha! oh my heavens this is hilarious.

  3. Wowsers, they just keep gettin better don't they. Yuck! What was old Asian man thinking? Nevermind. Let's not go there. Ew.

  4. Both the gas station weirdo and the Blockbuster Asian seem like they'd fit in perfectly behind the counter of a crepe stand, leering at women and throwing lots of unwanted and inappropriate comments at them. Gross!

  5. Can I get you a can of pepper spray for your purse? Yikes! Maybe I'd think it was funny if it wasn't my daughter. Next time just put your hand in your purse like you are packin' a huge gun and say 'back off buddy'.

  6. So probably 9 times out of 10 I go to post a comment on someones blog and for some reason it doesn't post.... probably has to do with that silly jumbled word it makes you type. now I can't remember my witty comment. ha ha just kidding It was just me gushing about how much I adore you and your stories.