Monday, July 2, 2012

Ponderings, evaluating, referral

The last week and a half have been kinda rough.  Some of the projects have had unexpected hiccups.  I've been stressed about silly things.  We've still done great things and the work here has always been so satisfying but it was just a rough week--like we all have.  It therefore left me frustrated and confused.  Is what I'm doing here really making a difference?  Am I tied to these projects and these people as much as I should be?  Are there things I could be doing that I'm not?  My mind has been quite active trying to weigh the balance of whether or not what I, specifically, am doing here holds more value than what I could do at home.  I still need to decide where I'm going to live, what jobs to apply for, etc.  I have to eventually be practical and figure out my own life.

I've had even sillier thoughts like how sad I am that I have to miss the summer olympics. haha I adore the summer olympics.  They come but once every 4 years and I'm so so sad that I have to miss the whole thing.  No gymnastics??  Not okay.  haha

Never fear, I realize how ridiculous I am sometimes.  I'm learning that everyone, regardless of age or zip code goes through occasional evaluation phases.  The what am I doing here?  Am I doing things of value?  Am I using my time wisely?  Stuff like that.  I've experienced this mind process many times.  Why would Africa be any different?

After finally talking with some other girls about it, it turns out that many of them have been going through the exact same thing.  After discussing it for a while we came to the conclusion that it was a good thing that we were worried about making sure we're using our time wisely.  It means that we don't want to waste our time here or this opportunity.  If I'm thinking about home then I need to adjust whatever it is I'm doing (whatever's in my control) so that what I'm doing here has more value than what I could possibly do at home in 7 weeks.

This is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I've loved it so much.  It has taught me so much.  It's helped me rely on the Lord.  I've learned so much from these people.  I know that I'm supposed to be here.  But it's good for me to self-evaluate and make sure that I'm always doing better and always doing more.  I will not go home with regrets from this experience.  I am planning to meet with some people in town to start more projects because some of our projects are coming to a close.  It'll be nice to start something up and throw myself in something that will keep me busy and make a difference.

I forgot to mention, when we were in Jinja last weekend, we took a boda from town to our hostel.  The hostel was incredible by-the-way.  I distinctly remember thinking how much I miss sleeping in a big room with a bunch of strangers.  We met a really cool guy named Torsten, from Germany.  He slept in our room with us and stayed up late playing Phase 10 with us.  It was so fun.  Anyway, on our boda ride to our hostel I saw a billboard for the church and started talking to the boda driver about our church.  He was really nice and I invited him to come and he came the next morning!!  He came to sacrament and really liked it and stayed for sunday school.  I know one of the areas serving in that area because he just got transferred from Mbale.  I introduced him to my boda driver friend and he has an appointment with him on Wednesday.  :)  It felt so good to help my friend get an appointment and help him with the work because I know how hard missionary work is.  And it felt wonderful to share the gospel and see that when I open my mouth that people do care about the church and are interested.  The elder told me that he'd e-mail me a picture of his baptism. :)  The mans name is Julius.  I'll let you know when I hear updates.

Anyway, this post is super rambly. I love my life.  I'm so thankful for this time of my life and the opportunity to serve and help.  I know I'm where I'm supposed to be but need to reevaluate and expect more out of myself sometimes.  It's a good thing.  Keeps me on my toes and makes me want to do better.  Love you all lots.

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